dancing in an intricate web of fantasies,,
i do nothing but to survive the world of the unknown..
unknown sorrow, the savage of pain..
when darkness enveloped the very sense of me..
i try to struggle free from the suffocating thoughts..
and bury them six feet under the ground…
and soon a butterfly will soon emerge..
a living glory of a rising phoenix..
with wings ready for flight..
priding itself in a high pedestal of power..
absolute reign over her destiny…
Everyday, I’m pissed off by my "pseudo-bestfriend" because he always gets in my way everytime he learns that I’m dating someone else. Actually, he’s my former guy. We’ve shared something two years ago. And until now, I DO HAVE feelings for him. BUT I’m learning how to quit on him already…
There was even a time that he screamed at the person I’m talking to in the phone when he knew I dressed up for a date with that phone friend… He always asked me who I’m going out with. He tries to discourage me with my suitors. When we are with our circle of friends, he’s a totally different person. He jokes around. But when it’s only the two of us, he becomes the serious type. He acts so differently when we’re left alone together.
One thing more.. He always tells me that he had broken up with his girls and that he’s trying to change. And there were also a lot of times I caught him with his lies. The question is : We are supposed to be the best of friends but why is he telling me all these lies? making me believe he’s trying to change his image as the playboy type (albeit i know the truth he still has a lot of girls). Why is he acting so protective as if he has the right to control my preference for guys? How does he manage to know all my secrets that I’m dating someone else even if I’m trying to hide it all from him?
I want to move on, forget about us, and find a new haven for my affection. But with what he’s showing, am I supposed to hold on and hope on the possibility that I’ll have him again? Yes, i do like him. God knows how long I’ve waited.
Are we bestfriends? Or just pretending? What’s on his mind? Why is he doing all those things to me? Is it merely because he’s my "pseudo-bestfriend", I’m a part of his Past, or because we’re heading into something I don’t know?
Half of me is saying I want to hold on and wait…. the other half is saying move on…..